The Thing About Breast Cancer

As part of the process to prepare for all possible surgical outcomes, I’ve visited with several plastic surgeons.  Once they’re done telling you you’re too skinny to be of much help to yourself, they then move to the discussion of implants.  It’s odd; they make lots of small talk and then they try very calmly and carefully to give you the news that, following a mastectomy, even with implants, you would be smaller than you are today.  They try to be so supportive and caring, as though you’re going to break out in tears.  It’s ironic, because all you want to do is say, “thank goodness!!”.  While it may be Pamela Anderson or dolly Parton’s ideal to be a well endowed woman, it is certainly not mine!  Do you know how much time and money I’ve spent over the years to try to make them smaller????  sports bras?  running bras?  running bras with sports bras over them?  minimizer bras?  I’ve tried them all.  I’d be a wealthy women if I hadn’t spent all my money on expensive bras!!!!!

I’m never the runner with the cute little running top with the bra sewn in; I’m the one with 2 bras and an ugly tee shirt.  I’m never the one with the slinky low back dress at the gala …. instead I’m the one with the conservative dress that allows me to wear a sensible underwire bra.  I’m never the one with the cute little bathing suit …. I’m the one that looks like Helga from the German swim team circa 1945!  I’m also the one that has a safety pin in between the second and third button in every button down shirt I own!  (J9:  if you’re reading this, you know what I’m talking about!!!)

so………….. I say to you, Dr. Plastic Surgeon — Cancer sucks, but, for me, the process of having smaller breasts does not!