think of all the new things I’ve discovered in the past few months: perky new breasts, hair falling out from chemo, a wealth of prescription meds, etc. etc. etc. I thought these things lived in a little walled off space in my life (AKA “the breast cancer chapter”), but I’m starting to realize it’s creeping into my every day thoughts…………
For example, I’ve now realized that my reactions to everyday things have changed.
In the “old days”, if someone said, “I’m having a bad hair day”,
old me would say, “try the new hair serum from the John Frieda collection”
new me thinks, “cut it off; shave your head; wear a scarf”
In the old days if someone said, “I hate the way I look in this button down shirt. I hate how it pulls between the second and third button; my stupid breasts make everything look tight across the chest”
old me would say, “here; try double sided tape. it works great for me. You barely see the pulling”
new me thinks, “just cut your breasts off and start off with perky little implants. You can wear button down shirts with no pulling and you’ll be able to wear sun dresses in the summer!”
In the old days if someone said, “I’m feeling so anxious and unsettled”
old me would say, “try working out, or why don’t you go to yoga with me; it’s a great way to unwind and relieve stress”
new me thinks, “try adivan. it’s my favorite of all my anti anxiety prescriptions”
In the old days, if someone said “I get a little nauseous on long car trips”
old me would say, “try sitting in the front seat; don’t read, and look straight ahead”
new me thinks, “try compozine; if that doesn’t work, get a scrip for zofran”
In the old days, if someone said, “my skin looks so blah”
old me would say, “try drinking lots of water and don’t forget to moisturize”
new me thinks, “try the dex; the steroids really give you a nice glow”.
NOTE TO SELF: NEW ME IS A LITTLE FREAKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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